Dear Creepy Old Man Who Lives Across the Street

Dear Creepy Old Man Who Lives Across the Street,

Stop it. Just stop. I know you're from another country and you're curious, but what you're doing is verging along the lines of stalking. You've even got your family helping you.

I was OK with you staring at me when I was mowing the lawn or doing some sort of physical labor. I figured women in your country don't do stuff like that and you were amazed.

I was starting to grow tired of it when you'd drop everything to stare at me at any given moment I was outside.

I was getting pissed off when you "randomly noticed" me outside doing pretty much nothing amazing from your kitchen window and came outside to check to make sure nothing has happened to your car, when you were actually secretly watching my every move.

I was freaked the fuck out when I noticed you spying on my cousin and me talking in front of my house near his mom's car as it was getting dark from behind the blinds of your bedroom window. WHERE WAS YOUR OTHER HAND? I didn't want to go outside after that.

Now I'm raging over the fact that you've got your family spying on not only me now but my entire family. Even my sister's boyfriend! You and him stared each other down for an entire minuet before you turned away. AND YOU STARTED IT.

You're granddaughter or great niece or whoever the hell she is added me as a friend on Facebook because she's friends and neighbors with my cousin (irony!) but now I'm wondering if you had her add me so you could look at the pictures I post or the things I write through her account.

I swear, I won't be surprised if I catch you staring at me through my own window some day.

Just. Stop. It. Before I call the police.